Addiction

“Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again…”

-Paul Simon, The Sound of Silence, (performed by Disturbed)

We’ve danced this insane, deadly waltz for over 40 years.

We’ve danced in the sun with an unknowing crowd urging us on.

We’ve danced in the dark places where even the rats and cockroaches scatter in fear.

Mostly we behave in public, our battles are fought in our alone time- some are brief and brutal, some have lasted years.

I’ve watched helplessly as you took the lives of dear friends and wreaked havoc on innocent families. I was powerless to stop you. You are an evil, relentless liar and I’m sorry we ever met.

So many times, I’ve gloated over your lifeless body, poked you to make sure you were dead, and buried you in the deepest grave I could dig only to have you reappear in the guise of a beautiful woman or a bottle of wine or an unkind word. Only after you reveal yourself, do I recognize you for who you are, and the battle begins again.

How do you do it? How did you come to understand I feel in ways other people don’t? How can you take my deepest connections to the ones I love and turn them into weapons?

Fuck with me all you want, but don’t touch my son or anyone I love.

I’ve managed to lock you in your cage for now.

I plan on living my best life with a clear head and heart as long as possible.

I know you will escape, and we will have that last dance and it frightens me. Don’t bother with one of your disguises, I’ll know you when you appear with your drugs and empty promises.

You owe me the courtesy of easing my physical pain, but please leave my mind alone. I doubt you will, you never were trustworthy, but hear me when I tell you that I will have the satisfaction of knowing you did not kill me.

“On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you’ll always be my hero
Even though you’ve lost your mind

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Oh, I love the way you lie

Now there’s gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
In this tug of war you’ll always win
Even when I’m right
‘Cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it’s sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied…”

-Skylar Grey, Love the Way You Lie, Part III (performed by Skylar Grey)

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.